Pizza, Popcorn and a Pinch of Spying
by Gratiae
Summary: Derek Morgan is almost out of the office for the night, but Penelope García has better ideas... like a pizza party complete with spying on Dr. Reid's first date with a cute redhead via security camera footage. One-Shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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"_Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… it has no survival value; rather, it is one of those things that give value to survival." – C. S. Lewis_

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28 August, 2008

"Derek!" Penelope García crowed into her phone.

"What is it, Gorgeous? I was about to get into my car." Derek Morgan smiled into his cell phone as he opened the back seat and tossed his gym bag in.

"No, you have to come back. You have to come back to my office."

"What? Why? Did you knock something over and can't pick it up?"

"Yes. I need a big, strong, hunky man to come to my rescue."

"What's up, Angel? Seriously."

"I'll tell you when you get here! Hurry up!"

"Hold your horses, Crazy Lady. I'm on my way." Derek laughed as he listened to his princess talk a mile a minute, faster than he could keep up with over the phone. He managed to catch a few words and phrases here or there, but not enough to actually understand what the beautiful blonde was talking about. "I'm almost to your lair, García. Can you hold out two more seconds without exploding?"

Penelope hung up on him without saying anything and burst out of her office, her excitement apparent to every overworked agent still wandering the FBI hallways at seven on a Thursday night. "Come on, slow poke! Inside!"

"What is going on with you, Gorgeous? Did you finally find out if Princess Di's death was an accident or murder?" Derek asked as she practically dragged him inside and slammed the door behind them.

"Better!"

"Better? Wow, this must be something special. I don't think anything could top that on your list of things you had to do before you left the FBI," Derek teased her, but let her push him down into the computer chair next to the one she used as her throne.

"Reid finally met her!" Penelope sang happily.

"Finally met who?"

"Why are men so stupid?" She groaned exasperatedly. "The girl! The one he's been so hung up on since July."

"Princess, as I recall Reid yelled at us to leave it alone not four hours ago," Derek looked at her reproachfully.

"Your point?" She asked, not turning away from the screen to look at him. "I'm not doing anything technically wrong, per say. I'm just watching."

"Penelope García, you get me in more trouble than both my sisters combined."

"Good. I wouldn't want my efforts to go to waste," Penelope smiled without missing a beat. "Come on, Der. Look at that. Look at the way she's looking at him."

Turning, Derek looked at the screen his best friend pointed to and smiled. Dr. Spencer Reid, the youngest of their clan, sat in a comfortable looking chair but, instead of leaning back pouring over a book the way Derek usually imagined him, the lanky man sat leaning forward slightly and talking to the colourful young woman that sat on the floor in front of him. She looked completely smitten, all of her attention focused on the man in front of her.

"She's so cute!" Penelope sighed happily like she was watching the ending of her favorite romantic comedy. "Look at the way she keeps touching her hair. She wants him to notice it."

"She doesn't need to worry about that," Derek snorted in laughter. "Our Pretty Boy is noticing absolutely everything about her. He's thought about her so much in the past month he has her committed to memory. He could probably tell her every freckle on her face."

"I know. It's so adorable. Our baby boy has a crush. Whoa! Wait! No, no, no! Where are you going? Don't chicken out now, Reid!" Penelope looked horrified as Spencer awkwardly stood up and started walking away from the mystery redhead. The woman stood up and looked after him with a confused expression. Spencer stopped and Penelope bit her lip as she watched him turn around. "Why don't security camera's have sound?"

"Because most people don't watch them like they're movies," Derek teased, but he was watching just as anxiously as the woman next to him. As much as he teased Spencer and called him a kid, Derek loved that 'kid' like a younger brother and, no matter his sometimes relentless teasing, he honestly wanted the man to be happy and not spend the rest of his life alone. Looking at the woman Spencer was talking to, Derek felt pretty confident this wouldn't be a forever sort of thing, but it was a step in the right direction. For Spencer, any step in this direction would be a step in the right direction.

"He's smiling again! Oh thank God, I though Boy Genius was going to loose his nerve and leave. Where are you going?! Oh no!"

Derek laughed loudly while Penelope launched herself at the computer keyboards and began pulling up different cameras belonging to the security system she'd hacked into. Finally, she pulled up the right one just in time to watch the redhead nearly toppled backwards over a young man about their age; she managed to stay on her feet, but knocked a book out of the mans' hand.

"They're leaving, Angel. You might want to start your hacking," Derek smiled as the technical analyst did just that.

"Which way are they going?" Penelope asked, wild-eyed.

"Northwest down Caroline Street." Watching while she pulled up maps and all sorts of things he probably wouldn't understand even if she explained it to him, Derek spotted a file in the corner with what looked like red curls. "Princess, what's that?"

"That's her."

"How'd you… you ran her through your facial recognition software in VICAP didn't you?"

"No. I ran the facial recognition software against all the Virginia drivers' licenses. Why would I run her through the Violent Criminal Apprehension Program? Do you really have that little faith in Reid's ability to find a decent girl who hasn't been in jail?"

"Sorry! Shesh, the question came out before I thought about it. Whenever I ask about facial recognition it usually includes VICAP. Forgive me."

"Only because you're gorgeous."

"So… Come on. I know you know her name," Derek prodded trying to keep up with the screen as Penelope flashed from security camera to security camera to follow Spencer and the redhead down the street.

"Her name is Calliope Kirsten Sellers. She's twenty-five years old and lives in Fredericksburg, Virginia."

"That's all you've got?"

"Oh hush, you know I have more. Ohh! They're going into Capital Ale House. Ha! Think you can protect your security system from me. You're attempts are futile as one, two, three and your walls fall and I'm in."

"You terrify me, woman. Remind me to never upset you."

"Don't ever upset me."

"I meant later, not two seconds after I said it."

"You should be more specific then. Which table are they…? Gotchya! Awww, look at Reid! He's so cute!" Penelope smiled at the screen and felt her eyes water. She was so tired of watching Spencer go home by himself night after night, dealing with the aftermath of their cases by himself. He deserved someone who lit up when he smiled at her, someone who could make him smile no matter the case he'd just worked. He deserved a girl who'd be his Kevin. Well, not _Kevin_. But he deserved a woman who'd be to him what Kevin was to her: a safe haven from everything they had to look at.

"Our baby boy's growing up," Derek said, not taking his eyes from the screen as Spencer said something and the girl threw her head back and laughed. "Attaboy, Reid. You're not as socially stunted as you think you are."

"He can't hear you, Derek," Penelope teased him as she picked up her phone. "Hello? It's here? Awesome. He'll be down to pick it up in a second."

"What am I picking up?"

"Our pizza," she smiled at him, looking very pleased with herself.

"And I have to go get it." Derek rolled his eyes and pushed himself up. "Okay, Princess, I'm going. Boy, do you have me whipped."

"And you love it."

"Don't let anything happen while I'm gone."

"Yeah, 'cause I can control what happens from in here."

"I thought you controlled the whole world from in here."

"Go get our pizza before it get's cold!" Penelope pushed him without looking away from the screen and the redhead reached across the table and squeeze Spencers' hand. If only she could hear what they were talking about. Spencer looked so happy. Penelope had known Spencer since she started working at the BAU in two thousand four and she'd seen the young genius happy, but she'd never seen him with this expression on his face. He looked happier than she'd ever seen him. Four years and she'd never seen that look on his face.

Penelope stood up, grabbed a thing of microwave popcorn and shoved it into the microwave. While she waited for the popcorn to finish popping, she picked up the papers she'd printed out about this Calliope Sellers and started reading. She hadn't done any deep digging, but she wanted to make sure this woman was good enough for the baby she was most protective of.

"Calliope Kirsten Sellers… Interesting name. Born November fifth, nineteen eighty-two at three twenty three in the morning in Williamsburg, Virginia. Eww… her poor mother. Three in the morning? That's just cruel. Hannah and Henry Sellers. Cute, two H names. Oh, she has siblings. Youngest of four, two boys and two girls. Orlando, Demetrius, Rosalind, and Calliope. Wow, they have a thing for Shakespeare. Is Calliope a Shakespeare name? Maybe? Maybe not. I don't know. I'll look it up later. Oh gosh. Oh that's terrible."

"What's terrible?"

"Nothing!" Penelope put down the papers and turned in time to see Derek put down the pizza box and pull the popcorn out of the beeping microwave.

"You're acting sketchy, Baby Girl. Why?"

"I'm not acting sketchy."

"Sketchy and a terrible liar."

"I hate profilers."

"So, tell me about her. I know you know." Derek pulled out a slice of pizza and handed it to her before taking one out for himself and settling into the chair beside her to return to spying on his little brother's date.

"Her name's Calliope, but I already told you that. She was born in Williamsburg, graduated from Washington and Lee in oh-three with a degree in classical painting and art history, graduated from Florence Academy of Art in oh-five, and got her masters in art history from Carnegie Mellon in oh-six. Been in Fredericksburg ever since."

"So she's a painter."

"Yup. Can you imagine? Our literal, factual, statistic-loving, everything-has-a-place-and-everything-in-its-place Reid with an artist?" Penelope grinned as she quickly switched cameras as the couple walked out of the restaurant onto semi-crowded Caroline Street with one hand and held a slice of pizza with the other.

"I'm having a little trouble," admitted Derek around the handful of popcorn he had just shoved in his mouth. "They're going northwest."

"What's northwest of them? Ohhh… Coffee. Northwest on Caroline and then left of William Street. I bet you twenty bucks that's where they're going. She's holding his hand! Look! Derek, look!"

"I can see, Princess," he laughed as Penelope hit his hand a few times in her excitement.

"He looks so happy, Derek."

"He does. But don't go getting all attached to her."

"Why not?"

"Because it's only a first date. This could very well be Reid's first date ever. Yeah, I know about Lila. We all know about Lila. I'm pretty sure they never went on a date, just a dip in the pool and a few phone calls."

"What about that Austin chick?"

"Reid didn't say much about her. I think they just talked a few times before it fizzled. That was only about a month ago. Besides, if she were still in the picture, Reid wouldn't be out with Calliope. Is that how you pronounce her name?"

"I think so. Maybe. I dunno."

"Look, just don't get your hopes up, Penelope. He likes her, but don't push it. He's probably not going to be with her forever. A casual relationship would be good for him."

"Wow. Who died and made you Mr. Pessimistic?" Penelope threw a handful of popcorn at him in annoyance.

"What?"

"Why don't you think she could be his forever girl?"

"Well, look at her."

"What about her? She's cute. Doesn't Reid deserve a cute girl?"

"Of course he does. That's not what I meant, Angel, and you know it. I just meant that she's a lot different than Reid is. She's insanely hyper for one; she needs some Adderall or something. Two, she's dressed like she fell out of her closet. Her dress is tie-dye, Penelope."

"I think it's a cute dress. I think she looks cute. And I'm pretty sure Reid agrees with me."

"She's hiding something."

"It's a first date, Derek! Everyone's entitled to their secrets on a first date. I mean, if everyone sat down and spilled all their intimate baggage on a first date, no one would ever date or get married. What to you want her to do? Hand him a list of everything that's ever happened in her life?"

"No, I –"

"What about all the secrets he's keeping from her? I'm pretty sure he didn't just spit out that he was addicted to dilaudid, his mother's a schizophrenic and he's still dealing with being abandoned by his dad." Penelope stared at her best friend and shook her head. "Talk about a double standard, Derek."

"He's my little brother. She's not good enough for him."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do."

"No one will ever be good enough for Reid and we all know that. But, I bet you she's someone's 'little sister' the same way Reid's your 'little brother' and I'm sure they'd be thinking the same thing about Reid if they were here spying on their date with us."

Derek was silent for a long time and neither spoke as they watched Spencer and Calliope walk out of the coffee shop aimlessly. Spencer looked happy, slightly mystified, but completely happy. Derek would be the first to admit that. He was just worried. Something about this girl seemed not quite right. She was definitely hiding something, Derek was sure of that; he just didn't know what it was. The redhead seemed nice enough: she laughed easily, she made Spencer smile, people they ran into all smiled at her and waved, she hung on every word Spencer said… but at the same time she seemed spastic and more than a little flighty. Flighty was the last thing Spencer needed in his life.

"They're too different," Derek finally said.

"Opposites attract, Hun," Penelope smiled at him like a mother hen as Spencer held the door to his car open for his lady friend. "Just give it a chance, Derek. Give her a chance. You know, sometimes people might just surprise you. Yes, even big infallible profiler, you."

"My phone's ringing. Who could be calling now? Oh. Great. Hello, Agent Todd. What's the damage?" Derek listened and sighed. "Alright. I'll tell García. You don't need to call her."

"What's wrong?"

"Case in Orange County. An unsub's blowing women away on the freeway."

"That must be the phone call Reid took. Speak of the devil. Don't say anything. We were not spying. Tonight never happened." Penelope told Derek sternly before she brought her cell to her ear and smiled, "Hey there, Boy Genius. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

_"I talked about allergies and phenylethylamine."_

"What?"

_"I met her, the woman from the book store. I met her and I took her to dinner."_

"You went on a date? No way! What's her name? Oh man, give me the dish!"

_"Calliope Sellers. She's really nice, García."_

"I would assume so. I doubt you would have been obsessing over her for a month or have called me after your date if she was a bitch."

_"Good point. I totally screwed it up, though."_

"What went wrong?"

_"I explained allergies to her. Why people have allergies and then I told her phenylethylamine is the reason woman prefer chocolate to sex."_

"You did _what_? Oh my God, Spencer Reid. Please tell me you're lying."

_"I know! I completely messed it up."_

"Did it end badly?"

_"Well, no. After dinner we went and got some coffee, but pretty soon after I got the call from Agent Todd. I drove her home and I asked if it would be okay if I called her."_

"What'd she say?"

_"Yes. I don't know why, but she did. She gave me her number and told me not to wait too long before calling. And then she kissed my cheek."_

"Awww… Spencer Reid shoots and scores."

_"You think she likes me?"_

"Take it from me, Boy Genius, girls don't give their numbers to boys they don't like. Much less kiss their cheek or accept an offer for dinner."

_"Yeah. She likes me."_

"She does indeed. Just a word of advice: next time you talk to her, stay away from the topics involving bodily functions and things women prefer to sex."

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A/N:

**Calliope and Spencers' first date from the point of view of the oh-so-nosy Penelope and Derek.  
**

_**Pizza, Popcorn and a Pinch of Spying**_** runs parallel to **_**Allergies and Phenylethylamine**_**, so if you want to hear the story of their date from the point of view of those actually on the date, check it out!**

**Also, This is an out-take from my multi-chapter **_**Mystery Muse**_** which focuses on Spencer and Calliope. It takes place after chapter two. So, if you like this and want to read more, that's where you find it. Along with almost all my other one-shots, which a****re S&C-centric.**

**Anyways, Thanks for reading! I hope you like it! It was a blast to write! Please, tell me what you think, good or bad!**

**Love, Thalia**


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